Being an adult

I know I've been an adult for quite a few years now, but I've never really...I don't know what the word is. I still live at home, meaning I have to follow my parents rules, and I get that, I do, but because of that, I consciously make all my decisions under my mom's supervision. In wanting to go to NYC in July, I knew that it could be a horrible financial decision and so, instead, I asked my mom if I could go instead of making the choice for myself...like most adults would. I guess I've been doing this for...well my entire adult life, and never really aware of it. I guess I believed that I still needed her "permission" on certain things.

And here I am, faced with making a really important "adult" decision that nobody can really make for me. And I can honestly say I don't know what is the right choice. I'm confused. I'm confused by what is right and what is easiest and...I guess, what is...not wrong, but...not the smart choice.

I got a job today. Yay. I needed a job no matter what. I've been out of work since December when I walked off my shit ass job, and I've suffered financially because of it. And now, I have a job...as school begins. I've been dreaming of returning to school since already taking a year off, and now I'm at a crossroad. When I applied for the job and had my interviews, I told them I wasn't returning to school and therefore my availability was completely open. But then something came up that made returning to school possible, while working.

What do I do? Do I take another semester or two off and work? Do I return to school and tell them right after they hired me that my availability has changed? I feel like...I feel like taking the semester off is just the easier option because I'm afraid to confront someone who has just hired me, but then I feel like maybe that is also the right choice - to be able to work more to save more. I don't know. I really don't.

And nobody can make this decision for me. I have to make it myself.

I have to be an "adult".