Awkward?

I guess I'm still really sensitive about a lot of things. I woke up fairly late this morning and everybody was sort of doing their own thing. My sisters were in one room talking and the minute I walked in they suddenly decided to disperse. So I went and made myself some breakfast, came back upstairs and ate it. When I went to bring my dishes downstairs they had resumed talking (in a different room) and the minuet I walked in, dispersed again. That's when I started to get the feeling that maybe they were not necessarily talking about me, but just didn't want to include me. So I played with my cat for a bit and when I came upstairs they were talking in the hallway and when I saw me, went into one of their bedrooms and closed the door. They made plans to go out to one of our favourite dessert places and then go to the festival that is happening a few towns over. I guess I wasn't invited.

Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I get really awkward in these situations and my mom always tells me that I should just ask if I can come. And I guess on some level she is right - if I want to know if I can come, I should just ask. But I am awkward about these kind of things because if that person really doesn't want me to come one of two things is going to happen. One, they're going to invite me because they themselves are too awkward to say no (and the entire time be pissed that I am there), or two, they're going to say no (and I'm going to then have to struggle with even deeper feelings of rejection). So I find its easier to just stay quiet.

I guess I'm just upset that I wasn't invited to get out of my house for a bit. Always being at home has sort of made be go a bit stir crazy so I jump on every opportunity to get out of the house because everyone else in my family has an outlet to leave whether its work or an extra curricular activity or a car to just get up and leave.

Sigh. I wish it was just as simple as getting on a bus and going to New York to be with friends.