introductions

I always, always, always, give up on blogs after I start them, but I'm going to try and stick legit with this one. I posted a few things at wordpress, but didn't really like the site, so here I am, blogspot.

I'm so turned around in my sleeping patterns. I have a hard time going to sleep at night, and I know that its because I sleep in everyday till almost one in the afternoon. It's so strange because just a few short months ago I was going to bed at 1030-11pm every night and getting up just before eight am. But that was when I was healthy; that is when I cared about myself and therefore took care of myself. It hasn't been like that for a while now...

I've been trying to convince myself these past few days that I can't let myself fall further into my eating disorder - that there is too much for me to lose and too much to fight for. I rebuilt a life out of nothing - literally, nothing. I have "dreams" and "goals" after wandering around aimlessly for years just spinning my wheels. I have friends beyond the eating disorder world; friends who didn't know the girl I was (am?) when I was sick. Sometimes in the quietest hours of the night I can sometimes feel a dull ache of what my life would be like without all these things I worked for; all these things that are apart of my life as a result of all the things I lost and had to give up.

Tomorrow I am going to try and break this stupid cycle of waking up late. I'm going to set my alarm for around 6:30am and try to be out of the house at 7am for a run. I would like to do running at the track until I can build up my stamina to run. Things like the 100m dash and the 200m dash and 400m. I need to get some exercise back into my life. I haven't exercised in probably a week and I can feel it. Not that I have much energy these days.

I'm going to go and try and read more of my book and then sleep. 6:30am comes early no matter what.