remind your lungs how much they love the taste of air.

Say what? Incredibly long time, no blog. And for once, I can actually say, that yes, I really have been too busy to blog. I've been studying like mad crazy for my biology exam, which is in exactly and hour and a half. It's weird to have the time to sit in Starbucks and blog for an exam. I'm usually that person trying to cram in last minute information because I left studying to the last minute. But not this time.

The stress leading up to this exam has been an incredibly different stress than I'm used too. Usually I'm frantically freaking out over things I don't know because I haven't gone to class, or done the work or done the readings and I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to wing my way through some bull shit to get a passing mark. But my stress this time has come from the fact, "What if I don't get perfect?" I know how that sounds, and I know that my goal shouldn't be 100%, but that's where the stress has stemmed from. I'm actually not afraid at all that I will fail, because I know my stuff well enough that I won't. And that's a first. And this stress that I feel right now weighs less than the stress I'm used too. So when people say don't stress out, you're gonna do fine, that's not why I'm stressing out. But, still, it's appreciated. I'm going into this exam and all I can ask of myself is to answer each question to the best of my ability and be okay with that, whatever the mark is. Whether its a 60, or a 90 or 100%, so long as I did the best that I could, than isn't that as close to perfection as you can get?

And once this exam is over, I'm going to drown in books. I'm going catch up and I'm going to get excited for New York. Yes New York. I leave on Saturday. The excitement is there underneath everything that I'm feeling for this exam. To be back in my city, in the center of my universe. It's just... I don't know. :)

This entry is so all over the place, haha. I don't know. I just, things are all over the place lately, but in that really good way of not even trying so hard to contain everything into a box and everything be black and white. Life is messy, mine is extremely messy, and I'm learning to just go with that.