I'll never be able to deal with how much of an afterthought I am here. Which, I wanted to erase the minute I wrote it because I think there was a time last year - after all my work with L that, it wasn't so much that I wasn't an after thought persay, so much that I could cope and deal with it. But its been almost three months since I've worked with L and a lot of snow has fallen and winter kills everything it touches.
Tonight was the first time since coming home that I laid in my bed, that horrible fucking ache that echoes in the hollow of my heart, so prominent - and I wanted to slice my skin open. I wanted to take the blade I found cleaning and slash my skin. I haven't cut since my anatomy midterm.
Sometimes I wonder what the point of nursing school is - what the point of any of it is when I could just split the vein and drown in the bathtub.
