I went from having all the time in the world to really having no time. Once my exam was over (Which I think I got 86% on, finishing the course with a 94%), I was on my way to New York City a few days later and upon returning, I immediately started two new jobs. It's been a bit of struggle trying to maintain a balance and find a schedule that works for me, but I feel like I've got something down finally. It's weird - but a strange weird. I really resisted it in the beginning. I didn't like going to bed around 830. I've always been a night hawk, and am usually going to be when the sun is coming up. Now I'm going to bed before it even sets. I was really unhappy about that. It just was such a drastic change and I really fought that. Whenever I'm presented with change in my life, that's my immediate reaction. Fight it. Resist it. I had a couple of really stressful days at my full time job and seriously considered quitting it, but I didn't. I really felt like everyone in my family was waiting for me to fail. I know how that sounds, but I knew right from the beginning that nobody, save a few of my friends, really believed in me to be capable of doing this job. I was constantly told I would hate it or wouldn't be able to hack it out. But I can 100% say that I love it, I love the job, and I'm so glad that I did decide to stick it out. I've made so many new friends. And it's been weird for several reason.

First things first, I'm not the "sick" girl. I really feel like that has always been my identity no matter where I go. Every job I have had, my eating disorder has been raging in my life and it's just known. And now, people have no idea. And at first, I really wasn't sure how I felt about that, which sounds super weird. A part of me was so glad to have left that identity behind, but another part of me felt like a scam. Like I was lying to people - wasn't being fully honest. I've always felt like one with my eating disorder. It took over me. It became me. I didn't know who I was beyond that and that was such a struggle - figuring out how to be separate from it. The topic comes up at work and I keep to myself. I add my opinion when I feel like it. I'm so close with a girl at work and sometimes I feel like I'm not being a good friend by not necessarily lying, but also not telling the truth. It's a weird paradox.

The girl I'm really close with is from Germany. She's been here for a year on a working holiday visa and we actually started out hating each other. I thought she was a snobby bitch and she thought I was a lazy dwarf. But, I don't even know how, but we became really good friends. She's leaving to go home soon, and we're both really upset about that and trying to make the most of the time that we have left together at the course.

I started medication again at the beginning of May. It took a while to start working, but I feel that it has helped me incredibly. I still have some days where shit hits the fan and I think it's not working, but for the most part, it's just been such a great aid in moving forward and continuing to get better.

There is so much more to say, but alas, so much to do.