Long time no blog? Pretty much. Things have been pretty busy on my end for the past week and I haven't really found the time to sit down and blog. I started my job last Wednesday and have worked quite a few shifts since then. I've actually settled in nicely and am really liking working there. It can get a tad bit boring when there aren't any customers in the store, but we've constantly got movies playing and that really helps pass the time. It's a lot of standing which I am not 100% used to yet, so I need to find a comfier pair of shoes than converse. Lol. There is a downside though. We're going out of business probably by the end of the month/beginning of October which is fucking balls. I'm not exactly sure the exact date, but it sucks because I actually do like this job. And I feel like I'm sort of back to the beginning in terms of finding something to do now. I'm not even sure where to begin looking, but because I have been working, I feel like the process of finding a job is so much easier.
On Saturday, I did the NEDA walk in my city. It was phenomenal, and incredibly emotional. It was a weekend of hope. Just complete hope, love and belief. I feel like I have so much to say about it but I don't even know exactly how.
And then, of course, there is school, which STILL, I'm not even sure what is going on. After getting the job, I told him that there was a possibility of school happening for me, meaning my availability would now be different. And he was 100% okay with that. So, as of now, I do have Wed/Friday off. But I still have no idea what is going on in regards to school. I have dabbled in taking one class because that I can afford on my own, but my mom thinks I should just take all three, and then in the next breath doesn't even think I should be going. She is beyond back and forth on the matter and I can't even deal with her shit anymore. I STILL don't know what is going on, but just incase I do end up going to all three classes, I am going to attend all of them on Friday and see what happens. Hopefully, this all works itself out.
But of course, there is always another side. I'm scared. Okay, I'm a lot scared. I haven't been successful in the past, and I know that's because I was 100% invested into my eating disorder, but I don't know...reading over the course syllabus the other night...the fear settled in. The what if's, settled in and I'm scared that I would screw this up again. I'm "healthy," and I'm doing really well, but I'm still so fucking scared. I know fear isn't a reason to not, but fuck, it's catching me off guard a lot.
Sigh.
